I’m at place sort of like a large funfair. I think I live within it or nearby. It has a very relaxed holiday feel about it. I’m not on holiday though. I am there to explore my future and see what I can do.
There is a car park that looks like a drive-in or a roadhouse. There are rows of cars parked on the tarmac and lots of high poles with double wires. There are women dancing and walking on the wires. It looks incredibly easy and a lot of fun. I cannot see if they are moving in synch from rung to rung or remaining in one spot – but it has the sense of graceful fluid movement yet keeping with one’s own place. I’m eager to join in and do so with great enthusiasm. I get positioned towards the front of the group and change into a little diamante-studded leotard in a jewel colour. The music begins and I start my performance. Thoroughly enjoying myself I believe myself to be doing splendidly. I feel talented, outstanding, accomplished successful and sexy. A woman in her prime equal to if not better than all the other women in the performance.
The performance ends and I realise that I have been in a test to see if I qualify for the job. The lead dancer, who is an attractive leggy blonde woman of about 50 informs me that I have no rhythm and that my performance was half hearted. She adds that I was not kicking my legs up with enthusiasm and height and that all in all I am just not the calibre dancer they require.
I’m shocked. This isn’t rocket science. It’s funfair entertainment, cabaret circus style for goodness sake! The owner manager comes out from his booth and says; ‘Get rid of that woman. She’s useless!’
A gentle soothing voice whispers,’ You don’t need to be one of these ‘girls’. These ‘girls’ are doing this because they are trading on their good looks and no brains. You have brains – you can do so much more than this. This is just not you’.
My ego has been dented and I am dismayed at how my perception of my performance was so different from everyone else. It had been so much fun and truly liberating. I see the truth in what he is saying, however, and it seems that I am simply not cut out to be a people pleaser.