Abortion She Wrote

I meet up with Jessica Fletcher.  I’m really flattered an honoured.  It doesn’t occur to me in dream that she is a fictitious character.  In dream she’s a real investigative writer.  She says that she has a task or project for me if I’m interested.  Of course I’m interested.  This is my opportunity to shine.  She asks if I can research abortion.  How would it feel  going through or having been through an abortion?  I agree immediately.  At the time I think that it will be an interesting piece of editorial research.

I move into another scene (it was a very busy dream with lots of segments all flowing through each other).  I’m trying to get to ‘the office’.  It’s a weekend and all the factories are closed.  Everything is a sort of bleached faded grey.  It’s not overcast, just almost colourless.  ‘It’s just through this way’ I say to my companion.  But it turns out it isn’t ‘just this way’ That way is via another factory and there is a man there with a truck and a ‘boy’ helping him.  He doesn’t look happy at my intrusion.  He’s in a bad mood.  ‘Never mind’ I say; there are other ways in’.  But the both those roads in have huge potholes filled with water. Each way though to the office is blocked by ‘Atlas Copco’.  I don’t fancy my car getting stuck in that.

Somehow we get in.  It’s very bright inside.  So bright it hurts my eyes.  Bright and clean and organised and sparse.  ‘This is where I work’ I proudly tell my companion.  I’m beginning to have doubts and second thoughts about doing the research for abortion.  In truth I don’t like the dark ugly side of life and I fear that I may not be detached enough for it not affect me.  I begin to think of it in terms of law of attraction.  Where will this project, no matter how lucrative, take me along the vibrational scale?  I don’t see how I can be vibrating in love when I am researching and focusing on a state of despair.  In truth I believe I may have to decline the offer.

I see that a big new store is opening.  There a lot of hype about it.  It’s a concept store that will be a hub of creativity and solutions.  I am reading the advert, on the footnote I see Kony2012.  I wonder if I’m reading correctly.  I point it out to my companion.  I wonder if this is what I think it is I ask?  But why would they use this?

I get to a smoother calmer place, a much warmer welcoming place.  A place where I’m happy and I come into my self.  My companion asks me about the tides.  I’m so thrilled to be able to explain something that I’m learning and beginning to understand.  A cyclic rhythm and flow.  I say, ‘well there are spring tides and neap tides’.  A spring is every 7 days and a neap every seven days’.  I show my companion the wave they form and point out that it’s actually two circles, the neap inside the larger spring.  I tie it in with the phases of the moon. When I type this out, I see the information to my knowledge to date is incorrect, the tides neap and spring don’t follow the moon – but I don’t understand that because tides are the moon, and high and low follow the moon around in the sky?  I don’t really understand how it all fits together .  But in dream I do, and I’m ecstatic about understanding the forces and intelligence at work.  I love understanding the earth, the planets, the universe and how it all works.  My companion is impressed with how much I have learnt and understood in such a short time.  I’m proud of myself.

I have decided that I’m not going to on with the abortion research.  All that’s worrying me now is how to I decline a fantastic offer and opportunity like this.  I wrestle with feelings of being a quitter and a failure.

By chance I come upon the pre opening of the new concept store.  I’m quite amazed to discover that it’s extremely bright fluorescent like the office and it just looks like a stationery store.  It’s harsh and retail.  Lots of serviceable uninspiring things packed on shelves.  Standing outside is the main man.  He has invested a lot of money in this ‘concept’.  He says that he’s happy with what he has achieved but that it fell short of expectations.  He said that he required a manager with vision and imagination.  As I stand there I consider his words and know that I am such a person.  But that being tied to him, retail and great responsibility and huge financial expectation would kill of all idealism and creativity.  I realise with relief that I now know and accept enough about myself to not fall into this trap of people pleasing, approval seeking false sense of security within a highly competitive environment.  I feel sorry for the ‘main man’, I see his project doomed from the start.  He really did need somebody like me.